Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn – What is it and How Do We Work With this in Therapy

I wanted to dedicate today’s post to discussing a natural response that our body goes into when under stress. Most of us have heard of this response, but I wanted to break it down a bit more and add how we work with this in therapy.

I get so many clients who carry shame for the way their body naturally responded to a stressful event, or a series of stressful events. This post is meant to help you better understand these responses and reduce some of that shame.

The response I’m referring to is the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn response. I want to start by saying these are automatic, visceral responses that happen beyond our conscious choice.

It’s also important to note that while many people have a more dominant response, most of us move between all four depending on the situation, our history, and how safe we feel.

Fight

The fight response typically looks like arguing, becoming aggressive, talking back, lashing out, irritability, anger, or physical expressions like throwing things or clenching fists.

An example in everyday life might be someone who seems easily triggered or “overreactive” to small things. On the outside, others may describe them as dramatic or angry, but underneath, their nervous system may be in a constant state of stress and readiness to defend.

Flight

The flight response is about getting away from perceived danger, physically or emotionally. This can look like withdrawing, staying busy, avoiding situations that feel uncomfortable, leaving early, shutting down in conversations, or becoming overly independent.

Sometimes flight can also show up as over-functioning, keeping yourself constantly occupied so you don’t have to feel what’s going on underneath.

An everyday example might be a teen who spends most of their time in their room, avoids social situations, struggles to attend school, and finds it hard to express their needs. Others might describe them as distant or unmotivated, but in reality, their nervous system is trying to keep them safe by avoiding overwhelm.

Freeze

The freeze response happens when the nervous system feels overwhelmed and doesn’t see a clear way to fight or escape. Instead, it “shuts down.”

This can look like feeling stuck, numb, disconnected, indecisive, or unable to take action. People often describe it as “I know what I need to do, I just can’t do it.”

In everyday life, freeze might show up as procrastination, zoning out, difficulty responding in conversations, or feeling paralyzed when faced with a stressful situation.

This is often one of the most misunderstood responses, and one that carries a lot of shame. But freeze is not laziness or failure. It’s the body protecting you by slowing everything down when things feel like too much.

Fawn

The fawn response is about maintaining safety through connection. It involves prioritizing others’ needs, people-pleasing, avoiding conflict, and trying to keep everyone happy.

This can look like saying yes when you want to say no, over-apologizing, struggling to set boundaries, or feeling responsible for other people’s emotions.

An everyday example might be someone who is always accommodating, avoids disagreements, and feels anxious when others are upset, even if it has nothing to do with them.

Fawn often develops in environments where keeping the peace felt necessary for safety.

How We Work With This in Therapy

In therapy, the goal is not to “get rid” of these responses, they exist for a reason. Instead, we work on:

• Understanding your patterns: Noticing which responses show up for you and when 

• Reducing shame: Recognizing that your body adapted to protect you 

• Building awareness: Learning to catch these responses as they happen 

• Expanding your window of tolerance: So you have more choice in how you respond 

• Developing new tools: Grounding, regulation, and communication strategies 

Over time, this work helps you move from automatic reaction to more intentional response.

Final Thoughts

Your nervous system is not working against you, it’s working for you, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

These responses are not flaws in your personality. They are adaptations. And with support, they can become something you understand, work with, and gently reshape.